NukeZone Clan Receives Guinness World Records Mention
The new category of Most hyped-up and disappointing event in history (working title) was actually a by-product of the original intent. That intent being "...a co-ordinated strike the likes of the free world had not yet experienced..." as quoted from a manuscript of NukeZone player, The 13th Province (#119530).
"It was supposed to be the best thing we had ever done! At this precise moment, we were to all use our EMP (electro-magnetic pulse) satellites to weaken the enemy, then waltz on into his city, then loot and pillage to our heart's content!" said 13th as he wept into his favourite pillow.
Expectation within the clan, and around the world, was high.
The battle plans were distributed first as a bragging point to fellow NukeZone players, but thanks to free-flow information (the internet), it eventually reached news agencies and even high-ranking military officials in the Pentagon. Recipients were astonished at the tact and voracity of the plan.
"It was so elegant and goal-orientated. Yet simple at the same time." said US Defence Chief, Hugh G. Rection. "Sure, we had the whole 'Shock-and-Awe' thing going, but this just made Shock-and-Awe look like a squirt from a garden hose!"
Other military tacticians praised the plans. 3-time Monopoly champion Amanda Huginnkis said "...it was to be the best thing since the original Trojan Horse".
Strategists, tacticians and interest groups from various gaming regimes and parts of the world looked to the moment of reckoning with great optimism.
"It's just so damn good... how can it ever fail?" said World Champion Risk player, Yule Sukmeov. "There's just these golden moments in life that you have to be there for: watching the Berlin wall crumble, witnessing your first-born come into the world. This moment stacks-up, if not greater."
As the world waited eagerly for the hour of 10:00 CET, members of NukeZone clan, [7days] The Ring (#31737), took their places. As the hour struck, satellites from out of nowhere, reigned down hell so malevolently, causing the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse to re-write their script.
Once the blasts subsided, mighty navies consisting mainly of destroyer-class vessels began moving in from almost every water-pass available. Overhead radar had an impressive shot of a ring of dots closing in on the target province. Several witnesses claim to have heard the line, "7 days..." during these moments, but these reports were quickly dismissed upon the discovery of class A drugs in their possession.
Just as the climax of the plan swung into motion, destroyers started dropping like flies from hidden torpedo launchers. Their respective owners watched in disbelief as their mighty navies were cut down by a fraction larger than the size of Australia. Sighs of disappointment echoed throughout the world, as the most hyped military plan met its maker.
Members of The Ring were speechless.
"WTF?" was the word of the day.
Second-guessing was also abundant amongst members, "This guy hurts... we should leave him alone." said a soul-battered Oemor Shanks (#153017).
Hate ran deep between The Ring and target player schizoF (#19998). His province so far impenetrable had angered The Ring and was the penultimate reason for the creation of the plan. Records show The Ring member Tundra Land (#143823) talking about schizoF in the most impolite manner, "I say we bend this guy over".
Now feeling the sting of defeat, The Ring members are cutting their losses, and re-thinking their strategies. Their new plan of action has a disclaimer outlining the severity of their next moves:
following in these attacks may lead to mass self distruction, including but not limmited to, mass suicide of units, failure to gain clan points, consistantly repeating the phrase WTF, and possibly crying yourself to sleep at night(but not on the outside).
In following you accept that any of the above are not my fault, and kicking the box does no good.
Sources say that The 13th Province and others have agreed to this clause, and are preparing for the worst.
Meanwhile, councils behind The Guinness Book Of World Records are in deliberation about the formation of maybe a second, or even third category, 'Most anger focussed on one point' and 'Most used TLA (three letter acronym) in one day'.
The categories will be awarded to The Ring and its members within the next working week.
In trying to reach schizoF, this reporter was thwarted by his mother, angry that I was calling in at such "ungodly hours of the night".
"That's the worst thing," said Daerus (#72952), Clan Leader of The Ring, "while we're crying ourselves to sleep [and seriously thinking about kicking The 13th Province], schizoF will wake-up and be shitting bricks of laughter.
"It looked good on paper though." he said in closing, followed by a rather content smiley.