ISO Labelling Scheme Abandoned Due To Limited Vocabulary

Head of the 'ISO Standardization of Women' ad-hoc committee and founder of the original idea, Simon Gow, has been criticized by the very peers who formerly shared in his vision and sought to pass the standard from the beginning.

Friend and fellow committee member, Emanuel Rabina, was initially "very keen" on the idea.

"When I first read it, I thought 'GREAT IDEA!' and continued to pat him on the back for the next few days. I even started a simple, yet effective, campaign slogan: 'Vote YES for ISO standardization!'"

"We were all hyped up about it." said David Greenfield, committee member and friend. David was in Australia during the meeting, so used teleconferencing to keep in contact with the group.

Simon began the first meeting by laying down the categories for all women to fall under. According to sources, there were originally 3 labels: Easy, Fox, and Slut. These 3 labels were the ones that first caught the attention of friends. That, coupled with a picture of that-hot-chick-from-that-movie-with-that-guy, won support from chairmen of the first stage of ISO approval and deliberation. "These 3 were clear winners," said Steven Law, committee member. "I kind of influenced the 'Fox' label," claimed Steven. With an infallible hint of oestrogen in his voice he continued, "At first, I didn't want to go to the meetings, but when I discovered how many of the guys were going to be there, I just had to... be a part of it."

Ideas for how to label women, especially those more difficult to get within scent range, started cropping-up. A sniper rifle and scope with a special branding iron for the "more difficult ones" was amongst the many ideas.

Things were running smoothly, and members were anxious about the path the standard would travel and where it would take them, until Simon shocked them all by expanding the 3 categories into a staggering 7.

Michael Peacocke was astonished by the decision; "It took me completely by surprise. I was eager to hear the new categories out, but once he [Simon] started listing them... Now I regret even being at the meeting."

The revised list looked much like this: Easy, Fox, Slut, Minger, Angry Heinous Bitch, Sorority Slut, and Bowler.

"The first 3 ideas were great," Michael added, "but the other 4 really sucked! Is he pulling these out of his arse or something?"

Emanuel was the one with the most damaging comments, "Now they're just completely unoriginal. I mean, the word 'slut' is used in 2 labels, and 1 of them isn't even a real word. Look at how he invents new labels by... sticking words together. You can't just go around... sticking words together... and pass it off as a 'label'. That's just [gh3y]! And Bowler... what the hell is that?"

Even after a thorough explanation of the term 'Bowler' members were still unimpressed.

"He gets us all excited at the idea, steers us down the right road... then crashes into the tree of 'I [fux3d] up!' Get some l33t vocab skillz j00 n00b!"

A spokesperson for the Feminist Action Group (acronym FAG), was very pleased with the dissolution of the committee. "Hahaha," she started, "stupid boys can't keep it together." Many socioecofeminazis shared her disposition.

In a now battered and beaten state, Simon Gow is refusing to hang-up his weaponry and give-in.

"No! Never! Not until I can get JUSTICE!" he screamed at the heavens, from the apex of a hilltop, arms outstretched staring right back into the falling rain as it attempted to wash away the mud of the hillside, and erode his spirit.

Curious about what he meant by this statement, this reporter looked into the history of Simon Gow, and discovered that he himself and many of his friends were victimised by the same sort of labelling scheme, started by an anonymous woman.

"Oh, I didn't know... So that's what he was trying to do..." said a solemn Emanuel when we told him of this discovery. "But still, before you start going around trying to label women, you should at least know some words beyond those you can find in a Dr Seuss book."

This reporter tried to remind Emanuel that Simon does read, as he is an avid customer of FHM.

"I don't think he 'reads' those. If you know what I mean."