Ultraq's Final MooCow

Bits and pieces by Emanuel Rabina

C is for cute, coeliac, comments

I normally Like or Favourite at least 1 YouTube video a day, sometimes even promote some comments that stick out, and it all ends up on my Facebook wall for people to peruse at their leisure or totally ignore. The stuff I usually like are music videos, particularly versions/covers done by others, and the occasional red panda video.

One time I came across this video of a guy singing "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, with his 6-year-old daughter (it was Jorge and Alexa, who you may have seen or heard of since this particular video has over 10 million views and it got them on Ellen). That video promptly ended-up on my wall. Around the same time an overseas friend of mine, bored at work and with nothing in particular to do for that week, found a video of a little girl named Rowan singing "Own Side" by Caitlin Rose. That video promptly ended-up on her wall.

When I spotted my friend with her own 'little cute girl singing some song' video on her wall, I thought, Bitch stole my idea! I then directed an evil stare at my computer screen and imagined the photons of hatred emitting from my eyes, entering the screen and travelling along the series of tubes that make up the internet to where it would meet her electronically-condensed evil stare and our combined malice would meet and duke it out on some virtual plain (likely some stretch of fibre-optic cable in the territory of Indonesia). Our little battle also played-out over some e-mails during work hours, each of us trying to convince the other that our own little cute girl was waaay better than their little cute girl.

Then maybe a week later, when the dust from our first virtual scuffle had settled in the waters of the Pacific, Jorge and Alexa made another video of equal or greater cuteness, and I thought, Yes! Time to tip this battle in my favour! So I posted it on my friend's wall and gloated: "My chosen cute girl continues to beat your chosen cute girl:"

2:42: "I pray every single day, for levorution!"

In the time between me posting that to her wall and her inevitable reply, I felt smug for the remainder of the day, letting the timezone difference between us create this 4-hour barrier where I basked in victory because she was probably still at work and couldn't fight back. When the little notification e-mail came that she had replied, I was preparing myself to accept her words of defeat. Overconfidently, I opened the e-mail.

And she cheated.

She went and found some other girl, also singing the Caitlin Rose song, but unlike little Rowan or Alexa, this was some much older girl who can play guitar, play piano, plays Diablo, makes pizzas, and has an accent that managed to grab my attention from the other side of the world.

The e-mail conversation between us flared-up:

Me: The reason you’ve resorted to posting videos of guitar-playing pizza-making Scottish-sounding Norwegian girls is because I won the cute girl battle amirite? Admit it! Admit defeat and stop trying to distract me with the girl of my dreams!
Her: You're welcome :P

Sensing my resolve crumble, my friend then followed-up with this video from the same girl, entitled "Carpet, Cookie and Coeliac" (she was participating in some Alphabet Vlog challenge, and this video was for the letter C) in which she describes a condition she has: Coeliac disease.

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I had known about gluten allergies for a long time, but never knew that it was called coeliac disease until very recently. I learned about that name when I was eating lunch with my parents at a local burger joint called Burger Fuel. At the tables, Burger Fuel was promoting their new gluten free buns using this little piece of advertising:

Burger Fuel gluten-free buns flyer

The ad made no sense to me. All I saw was a black-and-white picture of 2 guys with what looked like some weird song lyrics over the top. WTF? But you know who did get it? My mum. So she broke it down for my dad and I, using that teacher's voice normally reserve for preschoolers, or for those moments of smugness when you're feeling intellectually superior:

  • the 2 guys are Simon and Garfunkel
  • one of their songs is called "Cecelia", so the lyrics are to the tune of Cecilia, replacing 'Cecelia' with 'CeCoeliac'
  • and a coeliac is someone who is allergic to gluten; the extra 'ce' was just there to fit it with the song

O_o

"Ohhh!" my dad I and I said as the five-thousand-piece puzzle that was Burger Fuel's flyer suddenly came together in our minds. I complained that this had to be the least effective advertising campaign in the history of advertising campaigns because of the background knowledge and prerequisite age one needed to even begin to understand what the hell it was all about.

Way to go Burger Fuel; an ad targeted at smart 50+ year olds.

And that my friends, is how I learned the word coeliac.

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Anyway, after watching Ena's video as she goes through the grocery to buy things for herself because there's not a whole lot of selection for those allergic to gluten, I kinda started to feel a bit bad for her and for coeliacs in general. She also makes some pizzas in the video using gluten-free flour, and later that week I made a pizza using standard flour. As I put the final toppings on my pizza and admired my creation, Ena came to mind and I thought, Oh man, this pizza would probably kill her... I then put the pizza in the oven with a lot less enthusiasm than I had just moments before.

And the last few times I went to the supermarket and passed by the bakery section or the cookies/chips isle, all I hear is Ena's voice from the video when she says, "...all the lovely cakes I cannot have... all the cookies I can't have..." I then I step off the rear axle of the trolley that I was riding and continue to push the trolley like a normal person instead.

My friend and I seem to have come to some unspoken cease fire in our little war, probably because she's now found something else to occupy her time at work (I hope it's actual work) and probably because with one of the guys at my work on leave as my current project at work nears the finish line, my own workload has amazingly tripled. For some reason when there's a task to be assigned that isn't really anybody's forte, they randomly pick someone to give it to, and that random person is always me.

Random number
It seems I Am Number Four

*sigh*

Oh yeah, I got the comments going over the Easter weekend and have been testing them ever since; finding little problems with there here and there and fixing them when they arise. I'll be relying on you guys to tell me what you like/dislike about how I've implemented the comments here, and you can leave a comment to do just that :) But, if comments are still broken, tell me on Facebook, Twitter, or hell send me an e-mail.